Still in a massive transition of thought and life here. It’s one of those moments I come to occasionally where I stop and realize I’ve been this way before. This mainly due to the fact that the rut i’m in is gotten deep, there is little light and it’s begun to go in circles. How many times I’ve passed this dark spot, I couldn’t tell you. I can just be certain the answers too many times.
We don’t often enough look in the mirror. It’s obvious by our shock and awe at the stranger starring back at us. In the process of asking ourselves ‘who is this strange person’, the answer comes unwelcomed and will engender one of two responses. Either (A) we will quickly look away and run from the ghastly apparition and just as quickly forget what that mad person even looked like (JAMES 1:24) or (B) we will stop and study and, maybe…rarely…change our course.
Life, for me, is becoming a daily lesson in front of the mirror. I am getting to the point that I can no longer just look away and pretend that’s not who I am. I have to embrace the wayward stranger; love him even. I try and accept him with as much understanding as I can muster, but it’s hard. I want to judge him; scold him. But he knows what he’s done. Dragging him back through it won’t fix anything. By the very fact that we’re still here starring at each other signifies he wants to change; that he’s sorry and thirsts for forgiveness. I can’t bring that much needed forgiveness. I’m too invested in the deep, dark rut myself.
But I know one who can.
Once forgiveness is acquired, we have to access where we’re at and how we move on. First comes the long battle to drag us both out of the rut. It’s not going to be easy. It’s a deep one. The depth signifies years of circular traveling. But I can’t move forward without changing course. And I can’t change course in this rut.
Once out of the rut, I will have to get my bearings. I see light, but it’s faint down here. Light demands a source. And I know the source. As I begin to claw my way up, I know the star which has shared its light will guide me. And I intend to follow that star wherever it leads.
Wish me luck…