Of procrastination and other’s opinions

I’m not going to apologize for being a bit absent lately.  There are changes coming and it’s monopolized my time and thought of late.

I’ve had a lot of time to think over things about where I’ve been and where I’m going.  And the only conclusion I come to is that I can’t stay where I am.


You see, I’m a bit of a rut person.  I dig in deep and follow that rut usually to disastrous ends.  I just don’t take well to change.   Not a lot of us do.  But we find ourselves at the crossroads of our lives realizing we are where we are again.  Our ruts have been running in circles.  Like a plane with no clearance, we are stuck in a holding pattern with no hope of landing.

This is where I find myself again.  Different rut, same story.  At a fork in the road that I usually ignore.  But now, it’s looking mighty tempting.  Don’t know where it will lead completely.  But I know it looks better than staying here.  In fact, I have found I can NOT stay here.  So, I guess, the only choice I have is there.


Doesn’t make it any easier.  That road looks a bit more difficult and bumpy, but it must lead to a better place than this malicious rut.  What is it they say about smooth, wide roads?  Hmmm.

Oh, and, then, there is a crowd of people called my friends, my peers, my mentors and companions in this rut.  What will they think?  All they’ve seen of me is this rut.  It’s how they define me.  But I’m tired of being defined by what I’ve done.  For once, I’d like to accomplish something far beyond what I’ve ever imagined.  I want to stretch.  I want to take a walk outside my comfort zone and maybe, just maybe, I won’t come back.

But the crowd that constantly evaluates me and pigeon-holes me is still there.  Can I ever excel past their expectations of me?  I seem to have dealt with this all my life.  A jury of people always there to deliver a list of my limitations.  And, for the most part, I’ve accepted them.  I mean, it’s so much easier to just agree, right?

Well, looking at where I am again, I have to disagree to agree.


To plod on in the rut is surely death.  But to disagree with the masses is painful too.  To prove them all wrong and race past the markers they’ve so conveniently place ahead of me, no that is what I must do.  To shock them all by refusing to look at the signs along the way that tell me to be careful and not get too ahead of myself.  To become something more.  To step into the light of day and out of the shadow of that rut.  But it’s a deep rut and a long, painful climb…




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