Nostalgia and Regret

I talked a couple of days ago about seeing my first superhero movie (SUPERMAN: To Believe a Man Can Fly) and the inspired feeling I had leaving the theater.  I also spoke about still getting the same kind of #giddy emotions coming out of Captain America: Civil War.  It becomes a bit more complicated than that for me, because, well, I’m a writer.

No apologies or bragging; simply the truth.  God created me with a pen in my hand and a story in my brain.  Well, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s close.

I’m contemplating going to see Civil War for the second time.  I don’t do that much or ever.  Once I see a movie, I’m usually done with it; for a while, at least.  But my youngest son missed going with us (he was off camping*cringe*) and wants to see it.  So, we’re off to the movies again.  Anyway, if I were going to see a movie a second time, it would be Civil War.  Just to relive those feelings again.  They obviously never get cold or old.  I get the same kind of childlike glee from it the second time usually.  Even knowing the spoilers going into a new movie, it never falls flat for me, usually.  It’s the experience.  That’s why I see EVERY Star Wars movie in the theater.  It’s the immersion into this created alternate world.

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But there’s something else.  Besides that youthful euphoria and the boundless well of imagination that comes with every movie of fantasy like Civil War, there comes a darker feeling; something akin to regret.

Let me explain.

I come out of the theater brimming with imaginative furry.  I’m ready to write and create.  I just can’t wait to get a pen in my hand or, as it were, in front of my computer.  Then, it hits me.  At my age, you begin to look back at the things you haven’t accomplished.  And, for the writer, it’s usually the stories, books and other projects left behind.  Maybe it’s arrogance, but, at times, I am thrust out the cinematic world of imagination onto the dark, cold and hard streets of contemplative reality wondering why.  Why haven’t I gotten more things written?  Why haven’t I become the comic book master I dreamed I’d become?  Why haven’t I sold more books?  Why…Why….Why…Why!  The answers a simple one and a rather painful one as well.

Standing on yet another crossroads, I look back to where I’ve been.  Missed opportunities piled high to the sky blocking my way back.  But also unfinished scripts for comics, plots for books and ideas for video games.  I sigh and look ahead.  It’s wide open.  Then, I smile.  I pick up one of those forgotten ideas from the litter of regret and I move on.  No matter what you intended on doing and how long you’ve put it off, there is never a dead end that you can’t come back from.  Pull out that song you’ve written but haven’t sung.  Grab that story that needs to reach those who long for such things.  Get on google and learn what you need to learn about graphics or story structure or how to get whatever you haven’t created yet created!

I hate to end this sounding like some pie-in-the-sky motivational guru.  But it’s true.  Are you dead yet?  No?  Then get the hell up and move forward; no matter what that looks like for you.  Do I believe this myself?  I have to.  Because I’m the one I’m writing this for.  Because I’m just arrogant enough to believe the stories I have had in my head (some for decades) are interesting enough for print.  Actually, I think they are more than that.  They are epics to me.  They are just as big for me as the Avengers and Justice League are for the masses right now.  They have become MY nostalgia and, conversely, my future.  And, I, for one, am not about to give up on them.

Wish me luck…lol

 

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